After I shot Adolph Hitler
I would look on him with pity –
like any stupid animal I’d needed to put down –
if in a froth of rage and spittle
or a dog’s peculiar dignity
of shattered silent pining at the red spot on his shiny coat of brown
or maybe pining for the meals he’d meant to guzzle
at each lent, unmuzzled opportunity –
and after I shot Adolph Hitler
I would make sure to remind myself
he’s on my list of people not to be.
After I got Congress to apply
the statutes to our sitting president
I would protest his execution ‘cos it’s wrong,
for have we not less monstrous means whereby
to stop him from committing
these crimes against humanity and time enough (and hadn’t we all along)
and what’s he ever done but everything we let him,
so it’s all of us that treasure being free?
And after I shot Adolph Hitler
I might look on him with pity
but he’s on my list of people not to be.
After I’ve shot each last one of you
at [name of venue] here tonight,
I’ll take my semi-automatic
and I’ll turn it on myself
and don’t be shocked,
I’m just funning you,
the guitar case of mine right here
would need some kind of makeover
to fit a retooled AK47
I’m just kidding
and the point is I’d get mine as well
‘cos I can tell you’re quite as swell as me!
And after we shot Adolph Hitler
we would make sure to remind ourselves
he’s on our list of people not to be.
Some lists are expanding,
about six million young’uns,
give or take a couple million if it rains –
the divine right of kings,
the time it makes them run on
justifies the destination of the trains,
and it’s an annual hunger
ha-ha-holocaust of kids,
a belly’s like a conscience it
is usually empty when it swells –
thing about Nazis is, the thing about them Nazis is,
they’re only ever anybody else.
After I shot Adolph Hitler
in a pleasant power fantasy
I got to schtupping Heidi Klum and Marilyn Monroe
and then I washed up a little,
and I got out a fresh handkerchief
for more this evening after we’ve
enjoyed my master, pieces and gone home –
and Santyana reasons
that can cause the blindness
of the kind outdoes
the crimes of his-
tory –
But after I shot Adolph Hitler
I could make sure to remind myself
he’s on my list of people not to be
that he’s on my list of people not to be (it’s nice to have one)
that he’s on my list of people not to be (I’ll get to it someday)
on my list
of people not to be.